Changes

I dunno.

I've 'reconnected' with most of my primary (or elementary school, if you want to 'Westernize' the term) mates via Facebook.
They've changed, a whole lot.
I guess people do change, even when terms like 'a leopard can't change its spots' comes to mind.

I don't know what they'd say if they see me at the reunion. (If there is one, that is.)
They'd probably comment on my appearance.
Hey, it's not my fault that my hair color is a genetic problem; I didn't ask for it.
I'm more brunette than I was.
And then there's my English, which makes me more 'banana' in their eyes.
Well, who really cares.

Oh yeah...I've got another round of wallpaper to show!
Hehe...

This one is kinda nice.


One for the Naruto fans.


Oo, I love this one!


I like this one, too. The clock adds a nice touch.


This one is just cute.


This is suits me more. I love black.


This one looks like the one I found before. This one is Vocaloid while the other one was from 家庭教師ヒットマンREBORN！


This one isn't bad either. And I love the MP3!


A forum poster had this one, but I didn't know that I could actually find it.


This is is for 涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱 fans who love Nagato Yuki. (I know you're out there...)


And last but not least, something for the Final Fantasy fans.
I love her gloves. I wonder where I could get one...

That's it for now.
I think these wallpapers will last me for another say...two months?
I like collecting them, but I'll only use a few that I really like.
Most of them have dark background so that it doesn't hurt my eyes when I'm staying up late on the computer.

I'll go flip through my Math book now.
The finals start tomorrow and I have to be there at 12 just for the MS scope class.
*sigh*

Disappointment

As you all might now know, the Malaysian government has already made its decision to revert the medium of instruction back to Malay.

At first, I had a whole lot to say (and probably even flame) but considering that the government is now screening blogs, I don't want to get in trouble with the ISA.
The irony is, what I wrote in my coursework paper might get me in hot soup instead.
Yes, my coursework paper for Malaysian Studies is the ISA.
Yes, I am a college student.
And yes, I know what sort of unspeakable acts and torture that the detainees endure while being locked up in small, windowless cells in Kamunting Detention Centre.
I done enough research to know that we're being oppressed and suppressed from exercising our freedom of speech, thought and conscience, security and arbitrary arrest.
And no, I do not plan to be a social activist, lawyer or politician.
Heck, I have no interest in politics and its blood-stained world.

Out of all the flame that I was going to blow out, I'll only have one thing to say:

As a former Malaysian public education student, I feel that all students are basically being treated as guinea pigs in the name of Education. Syllabes aren't updated, instead, they are wholly rewritten. I understand that new things are being churned up by educationalists, but this is no way for the government to apply it to the system.

Each time they rewrite the syllables, thousands nay, trillions of books are being destroyed. That also brings to mind the unmentionable number of trees that are cut down to make the books. They're cutting down more trees than they can replant. So how can we promote being a earth-conscience and green country?

Reverting the medium of instruction back to Malay doesn't signify patriotism, it's digging the mass grave for the future generation. Don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning the Malay language; I'm just saying that they are condemning the future generation to a bleak and dark future, so goes for the country's dream of achieving the status of being developed.

Think about it, how much technical and scientific terms can you teach in an English class? Throughout my 11 years in public education, I've not heard more than five scientific terms in my English lessons! How do you expect the students to familiarize themselves with those terms when they step into higher education?
Here's one reality that you have to face, ALL reference books in university and college level are in ENGLISH. How do you expect the students to understand any of them if everything they studied in was in Malay?
No matter how many teachers and lesson hours you add to improve the standard of English, it'll NEVER work with the mentality and mindset that most people have.
Well, what do you care? Your kids are either in international or overseas boarding schools.

Mind you, my English isn't and will never be resulted from the lousy education that I got from public school. Yes, you heard me, LOUSY.
My parents were far-sighted enough to have me sent to English Language classes at the age of 5; even when I was kicking and screaming on the floor, saying that I'll never go.
I'm glad that I went, and am forever thankful to my parents and my teacher (who is now my mentor in every sense).

I'm also glad that I finally got out of the crappy education system.
And since I am in a private institute, I am not subjected to any changes they make to higher education.
In three years, I'll be doing a twinning program elsewhere; and hopefully, remain there.
So what if you call me unpatriotic, I wouldn't care less about your opinion of me.
If I am to get married in future, I don't want my kids to be subjected to crappy education as I have.

Thus, I stand here, ashamed to say that I'm a Malaysian; with reasons of the existence of the ISA and its controversial arrests, and the near-sightedness of educationists who are robbing both the future generation and the country of its bright future.
I'd rather stay that I'm a Singaporean, since that's where I was born.
Like I said before, I couldn't care less about your opinion of me.
This is me, and this is what I think.
I'm exercising my right to freedom of speech and freedom of thought and conscience. And the last time I checked, I didn't overstep my boundaries.
If the ISA comes knocking at my door, it'll just prove my stated point above.
With that, I end my opinion.

I had more to say; but my parents told me if I have nothing nice to say, then I shouldn't say anything at all.
And believe me, this is put in the nicest and least harsh way possible.
________________________________________

The writer is a college-going teen who is sick of the crappy education that she has received for the past 11 years. She is not a pol-sci, philosophy or sociology student; she just happens to have opinions of her own about the world and life. She has no intent to join the political world either.
"I've thrown away the sense of pity and guilt, but I don't want to stain my hands with blood or do anything against my principles," she claims.
She can be found wandering the bookshelves of her college library, lamenting about the small number of books that it has. She's most happy left alone to read or write.

Pending

*checks the mailbox*
*sees letters*
*spots name*
*sees the sender*
*jumps for joy*
*itchy fingers tears the mail*
*reads the letter*
*meh...*

Yeah, I took the picture when I already opened the mail.
And the huge envelope is another story.

--

The whole 'meh...' thing was referring to my *coughstupidcough* NS stint.
I called them two days ago to see whether my appeal for changing of group was approved, but you know what they say?
Here's the conversation (translated from Malay):

Me : Hello, I'm calling to ask about my appeal of transfer.
Guy : *sounds tired* We have not made the decision yet; the meeting has not been held.
Me : Huh? But I sent my appeal in January! *sigh* When can I get the news?
Guy : Call us in the middle of February; the name list should be up by then.
Me : Middle of February...Okay then. Thank you.

Two days after my call, I got the mail.

The letter is dated to the 28 of January...So slow moving.
It says that my appeal is taken into consideration and will get the news by 16 of Feb. If I don't hear from them by that date, it means that my appeal failed.

- -

About the huge white envelope, it's from my uncle (mom's bro).
The picture should tell you what it's about.

No matter how much I didn't put this college into consideration, it still managed to get hold of me!
Like my dad kept telling me to go to this college;
Or like my dad's friend who kept recommending this college (during the gathering);
Or the time when the counselor called about my application (which I don't remember doing);
Or that my uncle happened to have connections within the college.
Can I conclude that I'm destined to go to this college?
That's a scary thought.

My uncle designed the labs in SEGI, so he knows the dean, the head of the Science faculty and almost any other people there.
...I think one of my grandaunt is a senior matron there too.
Since I was talking about taking the medical line of work when he came to visit, he took his time to go to the campus to ask about the course I was interested in.
Then, he dropped it off yesterday; along with a name card of THE head lecturer of that course.
And that's the story behind that huge white envelope!

--

See, see. This is what's inside!

To my surprise, it even included the application form for the the other half (2 years) of my twinning program!

And see where I'm going to go (if everything works out, that is)!

It's at the North East side of England.
Not exactly my dad's alma mater, but at least it's still in the same country...
And if Carmen (Loke, not Lai) has gone to England like she said she would, I'd be able to visit her...in 3-4 years. That's quite long...
Wait for me, yeah?

--

Since Jess asked me about my Korean version of Goong...I'll post up a picture now.
I'm sorry it's late. 御免, 御免.

It's colored, all the way!
And here's the MapleStory guide I got.

It's me-i-puru-seu-to-ri in Romanized Korean.
I guess my hard work paid off! :D

Weirdness

It's been two days and my body aches; maybe it was the painting...I dunno.

I've almost finish watching both 花ざかりの君たちえっ and 花より団子 2; with four episodes remaining for 花ざかりの君たちえっ and five episodes for 花より団子 2. I found it funny that 生田斗真 appears in both, one as the comical supporting character and the 2 episode antagonist in the other.
I'll let my hormones go rampaging a lil while and go 'kyaaaaaaaa~' everytime I see him, 小栗旬 and 松本潤 on the tv screen of mine.
That's about all the excitement my life is ever gonna get.

On another note, it seems the craze of mine for K-drama and J-dorama hasn't fizzled out yet; well, if it lasted longer than a year, then I don't think it will.
I'll be looking forward to more manga-made dorama; not to mention manhwa-made dramas too. Don't disappoint me, Japan and Korea!
I think Japan's my first vacation spot when I can afford it.

About stuff being weird...I had a call from SEGI yesterday. Benjamin, one of the campus counselors, called about my application. I was like: Huh?!?!
I don't remember applying for any colleges, nor filling any forms for SEGI. The only forms I do remember filling is for Sunway and that was the survey form last year, when our class visited the campus. Besides, I've not even heard my dad's final decision yet!
*wonders if it's dad's doing*
Nah, he isn't that free to meddle with my stuff. Besides, I don't think that SEGI offers what I want. I want to do Pre-U before jumping into my final decision for a career.

Sis is kinda feeling the pinch of exam year now. Her teacher dumped a lot of homework to her and she was lamenting about it the whole time, and wasting a lot of precious time at that.
I can't really put myself in her shoes, and it's not that I didn't get as much homework as her; I got far more than she ever will.

The six years in primary school was pure hell, and being a 'half banana' isn't only the factor. The school I went to (and I shall never ever mention it's name again) had some kind of entrance exam. Yeah...It used to be one of the top Chinese schools that produced quality students, but not anymore with the recent scores. I have no idea why they're mimicing the college entrance exams though. So anyways, with whatever score I got, I was able to enter the first class in Std 1. I still have no idea what it was.
Life in the 精靈班 or 'express' classes isn't easy, especially for a school that is desperate to maintain its position as one of the top schools. I remember the tons of homework our teacher made us do, the pages of 生字 she made us write, a hell lot of math questions, and who could ever forget the Malay idioms Miss Ong made us memorize. If we ever forgot one, she'd make us stand the whole two periods. I had her for Std 1-3.
Unfinished homework will earn you some thrashing with the huge cane the teachers keep locked up in the cabinet. Yes, coporal punishements were still implented during my time, which was not long ago.
If one year of this wasn't enough, I got a total six years.

I guess some good came out of it; the work load in secondary school seemed like a piece of cake. Staying up late for homework didn't affect me much either, since I've been doing it for such a long time. That's my secret to why I never get eyebags or panda eyes nor feel pressured to finish my homework.

She, on the other hand, was in the 普通班 or 'normal' classes her whole schooling life. Her version of ' a lot of homework' isn't even 1/20 of mine.
In the past, she had time to dilly-dally, chat with her friends on MSN, watch TV, laze around before bathing after lunch and a whole lot more. Her honeymoon years have just reached its end, so of course she'd cave in at the slightest pressure.
...And she dragged me along for the unwanted joyride; I have to watch over her while she is doing her homework.

I guess I could read 花ざかりの君たちえっ when I'm done with this post; I've already read 花より団子 a few weeks ago and am lazy to unzip 1 GB worth of files.
I should have my dinner too.

I Miss...

I miss groaning and mumbling that I've got to wake up at 6.
I miss my mom kicking my ass (literally) when I fall back asleep after she has woken me up.
I miss falling asleep in the shower.
I miss running for the door when I hear mom reversing the car out.
I miss falling asleep during assembly.
I miss talking to some of my teachers before classes start.
I miss watching the two lame kings sitting behind me performing their acts.
I miss laughing so hard that tears come out because of those acts.
I miss staring blankly at the blackboard and have no idea what the teacher is saying.
I miss purposely being late to any science class just by walking slowly to the lab.
I miss messing with the experiment after we've gotten the results.
I miss running off to the library as soon as the recess bell rings.
I miss seeing the books and working in the library.
I miss bothering some of the teachers during recess.
I miss the usual running and slamming stunt I do when I'm late for class.
I miss talking to Miss Tan and being late for class because of that.
I miss waiting for the school bell to ring, signaling the end of school.
I miss trying to convince the teacher to let us off early.
I miss talking to my friends in the bus stop.
I miss buying the bubble milk tea from the store across the street.
I miss getting frustrated that mom hasn't pick us up even though it's already 3.
I miss the long naps I take in the afternoon.
I miss the rush when I'm almost late for tuition.
I miss staying up late to finish my homework.

I miss Natasha's bounciness.
I miss Azyan's coolness.
I miss calling Cynthia like how Angelica in Rugrats calls Cynthia. Also the way Sapphira calls her 'Cin-thia'
I miss Mira's diva mode.
I miss Daniel and Salman's game talk.
I miss Sapphira's conversations.
I miss Fook Hoy and HuiChuin's lameness which cracks me up so very much.
I miss Wen Kai's whacky behavior.
I miss Sam's down-to-earth attitude.
I miss Felicia's smile and her happy-go-lucky mood.
I miss Kai Ru's sarcastic and sometimes hurting comments.
I miss Audrey's generosity.
I miss Karina's insightful manner.
I miss May Ling's dance moves.
I miss Zhi Zhi's jokes and her logic in Physics.
I miss Shirren's demeanor.
I miss Seng Keat's blurness.
I miss Kok Shien's antics.

I miss Pn. Loi's relaxed manner.
I miss Pn. Tie saying "Class, this is very important ar. SPM sure got this question."
I miss trying not to fall asleep in Miss Foo's English class.
I miss Miss Leong's interesting history class with all the stories and legends.
I miss Pn. Zurani yelling at us when we don't finish her work or didn't read the literature she assigned. (not me though, I've always done mine)
I miss Pn. Wong's Bio class.
I miss Pn. Rajeshwari's candid opinions.
I miss Pn. Yap's Geography class.
I miss talking to Pn. Shanti.
I miss Miss Tan's conversations.
I miss Pn. Khor's laid back manner, back when she was laid back.

Yup, these are the things I miss. But,
I DON'T MISS SCHOOL!
I miss the things that happen, friends I have and the teachers I came in contact with.

Life goes on, but memories lasts forever.

FREEDOM is the Word

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yup, I've finally finished the last of the public exams! I'm finally FREE!
I've screamed at the top of my lungs in my room and jumped up and down in excitement for 20 minutes before dropping myself hard onto my bed.

Here's the funny thing that happened during the examination...
Today, Wen Kai brought an alarm clock to the last paper, EST I. At first glance, I kinda had a hint what he was about to do, but didn't know that he'd actually do it.
Do what?
He set the alarm clock to ring at exactly 3.15 p.m, the time we finish the paper.
It was kinda funny. The alarm clock started to ring the moment the invigilator wanted to pick up the microphone to say that the time is up. The whole hall (or rather 30 students to be exact) burst into laughter! Hey, even the invigilators were chuckling too!
The alarm clock sounded the loudest to me cause he's sitting behind me.

As I was walking out to the gates, I did have a sense of nostalgia. This was the school I studied in for 5 years, no matter how much I disliked it. There's no such thing as graduation party or any of that sort in this country. As soon as you're done with SPM, you've already graduated. No party, no fun, nothing.

I must admit, there's a few things I'll happily live without.

1. No more uniforms! But it isn't all that great. Now, I'd have to think of what I want to wear everyday! Gah!
2. No more lousy teachers. That's the sweet part. Cause you're paying for education, the college has to provide good lecturers and they'd have to help you with your academic troubles.
3. No more early morning classes. The earliest would probably be at 8. There's no longer the need to wake up at 6 to get to school.
4. No more stinky toilets. Gawd, I've lived with smelly toilets for 11 years of my schooling days and will finally be rid of it.
5. The constant cut of electricity. This school has more cuts than any school.

Well, I will miss some of the teachers and probably something else that I can't think of now.

Speaking of secondary school, I don't think it turned out to be what I imagined it to be when I was between the transition of primary to secondary. I'd always imagined that we'd be walking to different locations for classes and the library would be open the whole time. I'd also thought that I'd actually be able to go out shopping with friends on weekends or have my social calendars filled with stuff to do. You know, like the high school life everyone sees on tv...
It wasn't like that at all.

But I am glad that it wasn't as I had imagined it to be. I'd definitely not learn what I know now. So to those people (and teachers) who had caused me much trouble and frustration, I now thank you for giving me such a wonderful opportunity to experience your backstabbing, gossips, troubles, nags and a whole lot other bad experiences. You guys have made me a much stronger and harder person. Thanks to you guys, I'd probably be able to handle what life throws at me much better. I'm no longer the shy and introverted girl you guys met back at Form one; now I'm the one that won't be blindly helping anyone and will dare to cuss and stick out the middle finger in your face. News flash, I could be a worse monster than you guys will ever be and it's all thanks to YOU. *evil smile*
The guilty shall feel the guilt, I need not name them.

Ah, now to relish my freedom by staying up late to read manga. I've got downloads dating back to four months ago that I've not yet read. Ta~

And Then There was One

The air and mood of the hall was calm, with a hint of tension. It was really quiet, the only sounds one could hear was the spinning of fans, the shuffling of papers, repositioning of legs, the ticking of the clock, clearing of throat and the occasional murmur of students.

Almost all eyes were on the clock located at the top of the wall, or at the watch on one's wrists. Each wondering why time seemed to fast forward to this very moment and then started to drag on. As the time ticked closer, each student became more and more restless.

The very words that relieved the burden of each (or almost each) student sitting for Physics III yesterday was,

Masa untuk menjawab telah tamat. Sila berhenti menulis and letakkan pen di atas meja. Sila pastikan nombor kad pengenalan dan nombor giliran anda telah dituliskan and ikatkan helaian tambahan anda. Guru pengawas akan mula mengutip kertas jawapan anda.

Translation:

The time for answering your paper is over. Pens down, please. Please make sure that you I.C and registration number are written in your answer booklets and tie up the extra sheets of papers you have used. The invigilators will be collecting the papers momentarily.

As soon as the papers were out of my hands, I felt a really huge burden has lifted off from my shoulders; the exact same way I felt after the Living Skills paper was collect two years ago. Finally, the last of my headaches are gone.

The exams aren't over yet, you know. There's still the one last subject, EST. Of course, I didn't celebrate the end yet, not until I'm officially done on the Thursday. Once I'm done, I'll do most of the stuff I wrote in my to-do list. That and I'll discuss about my college program and which college I'm going to attend next year with dad. I hope that he'll agree to what I've decided.

Since EST has nothing to do any revision for, I'll go watch some tv or do something fun. I've been entertainment deprived for far too long now.

Three-Two-One

As the day ends, I'm down with only three more subjects to sit for; 8 more papers to do.
I'm so excited!
I won't say anything about my papers; out of sight, out of mind.
But I am a lil happy though.

Next week is my last and final week in school. With the end of that week, I've 'graduated' from secondary school and will be awaiting the month where I'll go back into the school after three months, be all jittery and nervous as the teacher is getting my result slip, and then me crying because I did far worst than I had originally though. Then, I'd still go attend college and the result slip will be left unattended and collecting dust. I'm now prepared for the worst!
The sad thing is, nobody will be in school (nobody was there today too, so creepy); and I didn't even say goodbye to my juniors!
Oh well, I'll still randomly drop by the school next year, since bro is still in the school. I might even join him and Miss Tan in the archery club...Ehehe

With two of my headaches gone, namely add math and chemistry, I still have two more to go. Oddly enough, the only Science subject that I never have a tutor for is my best out of the three, Biology. I do hope that I can remember all the names of the bones, the mitosis and meiosis sequence and the knee-jerk reflex for the essays.

I guess this is all that I'll write this time, I'm pretty wiped out after a whole day of examination, from 8.00 a.m -3.30 pm; even with caffeine for breakfast.
I'll go play some Crash Bash before heading to bed. I'll do my revision on two years worth of Biology in two days and the same for Physics. Ta~

Six-Five-Four-Three-Two-One

Three subjects are done and gone, literally.

Yesterday, I bid adieu to Malay. I'll probably never use this language ever again, unless I'm forced to. Hmm, let me rethink...Yup, never.

And today, I bid farewell to History, or so I thought. For those who, like me, have already started scouting for courses to take on next year, you would probably have a brochures lying around right?
(This is only applicable to M'sians) Okay, take a look at the section where they give you the brief intro on the course. Beneath or beside the offered subjects, there is either a fine print or a huge box stating:

All local students are required to take 3 MQA Compulsory Subjects that include Bahasa Kebangsaan A, M'sia Studies and Morale Education.

That was taken from the Pre-U/ A-levels brochure I got from KBU.
And you might probably not want to press the 'delete history file' button in your brain just yet...

Ee Wynn, my senior, burst the bubble on me when she told me that LAN subjects are compulsory, which means that History and Morale is still waiting for me when I get to college. But wait...I can't see it in Sunway's brochure! Nope, I don't see it anywhere in the CIMP section! Does that mean I can escape (I really hope I can!).

Well, I do see an Interdisciplinary Studies that has the term 'required for M'sian students' at its side but it's under Social Science. So, I shouldn't need to worry about that, or should I?
The only way to find out for real is to attend the open day on the 13th-14th of Dec.

Tomorrow is Math. I really hope that I won't be as careless as I usually am. There's a hell lot of precious marks that I've lost whenever my tutor gave me mock examinations.

Speaking of examinations, I just wrote an essay about it during English I. I couldn't help but say examinations are good, no matter how much I loathe it.

There was another title that I've found interesting, My Perfect Wife/ Husband.
I imagined that the people who set the questions are fun-suckers that won't give out anything more interesting that paint drying so I was surprised.

Since it was interesting, why didn't I do it?
My answer would most probably be, I have nothing to write about. This might be the result of reading too much shoujo, but I don't have any idea how to write. That and probably because I've never really 'loved' anyone. Sure, I do love my family, but that's different. I did have crushes on some people, but they mostly die out real fast (the feeling, not the people); a week, give or take.
For me, admiration and respect would probably be the only feelings that I'll give; love...not so much, or even none at all.
The guy that I would come close to liking doesn't even exist.

Alright, when tomorrow ends, it'll be four down and six to go.

Almost There

I'm still not off the hook yet; at least until I'm 21. Heh.

SPM is in 2 days, and the first subject is Malay. Geez, where has all the time went?
(*cough* idled her time away*cough*)

The total days of examination are 8 days at the span of a month. There are breaks in between though. Now, where have I dumped my schedule...

*digs under piles of reference books; finds it lodged between Chem and Physics*

Ah, here it is:
The days in which I have to sit in the stuffy hall and be all nervous are : 11, 12, 13, 18, 20, 24, 25 and the 27th.
Science students are done earlier than Arts! Yay!

I don't know why, but I have a really good feeling about the exams...Maybe it's a premonition of something really bad happening! Maybe I'll find out that I don't qualify for the course I want to take next year! Arghhh! (I can't help being a pessimist)

My last paper will be ending at 3.15, so what am I going to do after that to celebrate my graduation?
The exact same thing I did for PMR 2 years ago; sleep.
I remembered my last paper ended at 10 in the morning. I didn't have my lunch and went straight to bed. I woke up later in the evening, went to the bathroom and then went back to bed. I think I'd most probably be doing the same thing this year.

Prom happens to be right after SPM, which is 3rd of Dec (if there isn't any date change). I'm not the type that attends this kind of event, nor any kind of social events.
Why?
- I'm dateless
- I don't own any sort of dress (nor am I about of waste my allowance on renting one)
- I don't like wearing make-up (it's like a coat of paint of my face, ewhh)
- I don't own any fancy shoes (all I have are sneakers and sandals)
- I have better things to do on that day

Besides, I won't even be around during the whole of December (like always). As to why, no one needs to know.
Even if I was around, I'd most probably be hanging out at Border's graphic novels section or catching a movie at the Cineplex. I'm finally free of school and exams, of course I'd want to enjoy myself for what limited time I have before being shipped off to boot camp (NS) and starting college.
I can't wait to start college too.

Speaking about college, I don't think I should worry too much about the upcoming exams. I mean, even if I don't do well (touchwood) I'll still be able to continue my studies. I've checked the requirements for the course I'm planning to take and all they require is the minimum of 5Cs. Also, it's not like I'm planning to take scholarships or anything. So, I'm seeing SPM as a sort of pass for me to get to college; the ticket and train analogy.

But getting good grades is kinda like having the bragging rights to something; and I'm definitely not the kind that likes to lose, especially to that stuck-up cousin of mine. He's been getting the exact same grades as I did since way, way back. I really should be less competitive.

I understand that grades aren't everything, but I just can't help but compare myself with others. Dad wasn't one of the best students during school time, but he's more successful compared them. Even Ms. Tan said that her non-degree holding friends are more successful, just because they dare to take chances.
Also, grandma used to say: Everyone wants to be No.1, but who's going to be No.2?
I never understood why she said that, I don't think I ever will, on a count that she's dead.
Oh well.

Apple Umbrella/ Of Pulmonary Arteries and Primary Veins

I've announced to the SMD community that I'll be M.I.A till SPM is over. I'm gonna miss posting updates on the projects.

Tomorrow is Chemistry and God knows that I have two years worth of crappy teachers. I told my dad not to expect an A for this. He said that trials mean nothing to him, it's SPM that matters.
So, I asked if I could stay at home from next Tuesday onwards to study at home. He said that if the school is no longer offering anything worth going to school for, it's okay. So, I'm staying at home next Tuesday on.

I don't like my school. And I feel suffocated in class.
I know I won't study when I'm in class; I'll do some questions and ended up sleeping. No point wasting my time at school then. It's not like it has anything left to motivate me to going.

Speaking about exam, I made the MOST stupid mistake ever!


It was in Biology II.
The essay question required me to explain the blood circulatory system. I was so happy that I knew this question like the back of my hand!
So, I wrote everything that I remembered. I got stuck at this part.

The deoxygenated blood will then be pumped into the heart from rest of the body by the ______ artery and into the right atrium. The blood will then pass through the tricuspid valve and into the right ventricle and be pumped to the lung, going through the superior vena cava.
...The oxygenated blood will be pumped into the heart from the lungs through the _____ vein and into the left atrium. The blood will then pass through the bicuspid valve and into the left ventricle. It is then pumped to the rest of the body through the aorta, which has a higher pressure and is more muscular due to its function of delivering blood to the rest of the body.

I forgot what the blanks were! I knew it started with the letter 'P' but I forgot what it was supposed to be! And you know what I put?

PRIMARY

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PULMONARY!!!


Do you know how stupid was that?!?!
I got the whole thing right and this stupid tiny mistake is gonna cost me a hell lot of mark loss!
Not to mention the kidney function that I tried so hard to memorize yesterday was gone to waste when I was blank when I read the question!


Yeah, exactly like the picture above!

Mom said to get over it and be more careful about it the next time, and also not to mull over that mistake.
I so HATE myself right now...


It's Chem tomorrow and I've not studied at all; Add Math on Wednesday; Thurday's a holiday cause I'm no longer taking Chinese (if I take, then it's 11 subjects...I don't want to die) and Friday is EST. Next Monday is Physics and it's the last time I'm going to school!

I think I'm gonna go sleep now...So tired.

Menouthis/ Words

I'm stuck with Menouthis in my head. It's a soundtrack by ES Posthumus and it has a feel of danger to it. Kudos to Ryan for Nara; it's simply awesome.


My title is a bit misleading today, but whatever.
I've got lots to say today and they're all random stuff.

I'm currently sitting for my trials. Yes, TRIALS.


I don't have any mood to study, let alone do any exercises.


Also, I'm suffocating. I feel like the whole world is getting smaller and smaller by the minute and I've got to get out, fast. If the walls get any closer, I'd develop claustrophobia soon. Even Jia Wern feels the same. Both of us feel like we can no longer stand being in the same environment, and that we've lost the connections we had.
It's getting harder and harder to breathe, especially in school. Everyday, I'd have to force myself to get up and get going. As I walk through the gates of the school, I feel dread claiming another victim, me.
Maybe it's because the real exam is looming closer, maybe...

I've finally finished reading Breaking Dawn on Monday. Since I've finished it, I can finally say that it wasn't as crappy as most people think. It's not great, neither is it that bad; but that's just my opinion. Thanks, Cass. I'll lend you Skip Beat as soon as I'm done with it.

I know I've said this loads of time, but I LOVE my MP3! It may sound crazy (what the heck, it is!) but I feel that it understands me, a lot.
I usually put it on Playlist mode and on shuffle items but I've recently let it play on Artist mode and shuffle tracks. While I was reading Breaking Dawn, the music somehow shifted according to the scene.
For instance, there was a part when Bella woke in her new form; The Awakening by Switchfoot started.
When Jacob imprinted on Nessie (that sounds so much better than Renessme, Vanessa works too)- First Love by Utada Hikaru.
The part where Bella saw her current form- Just a Dream by Jump5.
When she saw her daughter for the first time- Crystal Flower by Park Jion-Meng.
The scene where they were plotting the defence- Sara ni Tatakau Monotachi by Nobuo Uematsu.
When the Volturi arrived- Tatakau Monotachi by the same artise.
The ending- Fu Zhuang Bu He Ge by Kim Hwan-Jio. The name translate to 'unsuitable clothes for the occasion', but the playful nature of the soundtrack suits the ending.

Sometimes, it even plays songs that I need to brigthen up my mood; like it plays Bad Day when I'm having one, and Rave when I lack the enthusiasm to do something.
Nothing can ever replace my faithful friend of 5 years.

...
After pausing for a moment to tend to requests in the forum, I lost thought of what I wanted to say...Whatever.


I think that's it for today.

Irony

I finally hit Glitterati in nuffnang...but it's the wrong network.

Apparently when I signed up for it, I was too excited and too BLIND to see that it was the Singaporean one. The only way for me to collect anything in future, if I could generate enough interesting post (which I don't) to draw any attention of unique loggers, is to move back to Singapore. Dang it!

I still have overdue homework to finish and I've procrastinated a hell lot to make it worst.
Now I don't feel like doing anything other than camp out in front of the computer.

Well, I'm off to finish my overdue homework.

Free But Troubled

Ohiyo,
I think I can answer Jess's question to why my posts are more like essays.

It's because ideas pop up while I'm typing and my fingers just type out all the monologues I have

I don't plan out what I write; I just 'wing' it.
I have eight more minutes till my Malay class.

*BRB after one and a half hours*

I'm back.

I think I'll vent on my tuition woes.
I quit all of them; in harsher words, I was kicked out.
I'm innocent and didn't even know what the hell was going on until mom picked me up.

It was on Wednesday, I was attending my add math class.
When bro finished his class, he went to pay for June's fees. He then went home.
After I finished my class, I went downstairs to wait for mom. I got into the car and the her first words were:" You aren't going back there anymore."
I said: "Huh, why? What happened?"
She then told me the whole thing.

As soon as bro got into the car, her cellphone rang. It was that Biyotch (yeah, I'm calling the administrator that cause she's one and is causing a lot of trouble just cause of something insignificant!).
She was asking mom why she deducted so much from the previous month. Mom said that it was for the classes that weren't held and the replacements that weren't done.
Then she asked why did mom deduct 32.50 for Physics and Chemistry. Mom said that it was the price of each class, which is only 4 times a month. It's 130 each.
She then argued that it was only 120 bucks a month for the respective classes and it should only be 30 per class. That's when mom blew her top.

You see, the total fees that my mom pays for tuition is 780 a month; my brother taking 2 classes for 220 while I take 5 classes for 560. If Physics and Chem were 120 instead of 130, then my mom should be paying 760 instead of 780!
This means mom has been paying her 20 bucks extra! And since we've been taking classes there for 6 months, this means that we've been paying her 120 bucks!
AND DURING THOSE 6 MONTHS, SHE DIDN'T EVEN SAY A WORD ABOUT IT!
If she is a decent person, she would have corrected it when we first paid our fees, INSTEAD OF SMILING AT US EVERY TIME WE ARRIVE WITH THE CHECK AT HAND AND QUIETLY POCKETING THE EXTRA AMOUNT!

After that, she asked why were there 2 deduction for Chem class. Mom said that one count was when the teacher wasn't there and another was when the center was closed that Friday. She then exclaimed that a replacement teacher was called on that day. Mom said that I wasn't satisfied with the teacher. I mean, who will? A Biology graduate teaching CHEMISTRY?
She didn't even know what the hell she was talking about! She kept referring to the reference book and mumbled!
The other time was when I ran up the stairs and found that the door was locked, so I had to run after my mom before she turned the next junction or be stuck there for 1 1/2 hours. At this point, she said that it was a public holiday- the Sultan's birthday. Yeah right, the holiday was on Saturday, not Friday. Even my sister didn't have any classes on Saturday.

That B then said that today (Wednesday) was our last class and it'll be free. We're not welcome anymore. Mom was so pissed that she said:" So be it!"
I can't believe that a person can be so unreasonable! All she cares about is the money that's coming in! GAHHH!
I've never cursed anyone intentionally before, but...

I HOPE THAT SHE DOES RUN OUT OF BUSINESS!

Mom's contacted some of the teachers and they've agreed to tutor us at home.

Well, since that's out, I feel much, much better.
Now to go watch some movies and then off to bed. I've got to be in school by 7.30 tomorrow to catch the bus to UM for the seminar. It's gonna be 10 hours long...

Messed

I CAN'T GET INTO FACEBOOK!
-______________________-

It's been two days since I last logged in to Facebook. Stupid net.
I'm forced to read my wall posts by the notification mail they sent.

To Jon: The thing you and your friend did was really cool! I too don't agree to the whole hour thing. I'll write more when I can actually login again.

Well, the homeroom teacher announced our positions in class two days ago. Sapphira got first; Cynthia's third; I'm eighth. *sigh*
Tomorrow is Open Day but I'm not going, neither is mom.
I don't think that dad will be happy with what I got, nor will he show it if he was; he never seemed to get excited even when I got second in class when I was in Form 1 & 2 or when I got first two years ago.
The worst I got was last year, 16th.

Nothing much has happened, other than the sudden reappearance of the exchange student in school. He was missing for two months. Not really missing as in kidnapped missing; just nobody knew where he went. Whatever, I don't really like him.
We had a really bad start last year. I was sitting in the bus, getting ready to go to the National Science Centre for a seminar on Pharmacy, with a really bad headache (due to someone's noisy sleeping). He just came up, took the seat next to me and started asking questions about stuff. Of course, I was polite enough to answer his questions with short answers and then thunk-ed my head on the window and closed my eyes.
That was the first and last conversation we ever had and I'm fine with not talking to him at all.
Yes, I'm that unfriendly.

I've got 20 more minutes till Mythbusters. I'll go finish reading Shinshi Doumei Cross.

Another Day

I spent the whole day in school reading Reader's Digest. Yup, Audrey brought a few today. Read two really touching stories. One was about a woman who found her significant other when she accidentally sent a wrong message via cell phone; another was about a mom who did all she could when her son had a bad fall and became invalid. Even the volunteers were extremely helpful when she needed a hand. Sadly, the guy (yes, guy. He was 21) died when the feeding tube of his pumped the food into his lungs instead of his stomach; he was recovering from pneumonia and that just made it worst.

As for Physical Ed., none of us (other than a few guys) went down. We were pretty much out of whack with the time. I mean, usually we'd be having recess at 10.05-10.30 a.m; but today it was 9 something. Normally, my stomach would signal that it's hungry some time around 9.30. I don't really eat anything before school; sometimes only managing to grab some digestive biscuits or mom packed an extra something in my brown bag.
We didn't do much other than discuss add math and the math teacher started a new topic.

I finally got my Biology marks, 62 means a B3. I'm still wondering why my Bio marks would always be higher than my other Science subjects; and this particular subject is one that I didn't have any extra help on. Weird.

That's pretty much what happened today. Boring huh?
Well, it's my life and if you feel bored when you're reading this, you'd know how I feel living it.

Broken

Just managed to crawl out of the mild bout of depression. Yes, you heard me, I'm depressed; rather, I was. Which explains my disappearance for two days.

Nothing much happened, other than taking class pictures for the past two days. I hate taking pictures but had to appear in three of them; the class of 5A, librarian and blue house. I won't buy them at all. Prefer to have no whatsoever photographic evidence that I actually existed, which in fact is impossible due to my parent's over-excitement with the birth of their first kid and went trigger happy with the camera. I wanted to burn those pictures but mom got curious when I moved the albums to the garden and was looking for a match.

Anyways, I'm not really inspired to write about anything right now; I'm still feeling pretty down.
Tomorrow might be a better day (which I seriously doubt) so I'll go off and wait till it's time for Mythbusters. And I smell baked cheesecake!

This might be my shortest post.

PS: Excessive sulfur in the bloodstream will turn your blood green(avocado green).

Exam Papers

After two weeks of supposed fun and joy (more like boredom and near insanity), we're back in school. The teachers sure know when to give back our papers, talk about perfect timing. I'm feeling so bad today and I don't need anyone to rub it in.

There are two subjects which are a lost cause for me: Additional Math and Chemistry. Things will start to go wrong if what I did (or wrote) made sense; which is exactly what happened during the above mentioned papers. Even my Math was a horrid C5 ( I left out a few major questions which was worth 15 marks each). It's getting really depressing.
Getting a stellar result for the upcoming public exam is totally out of my range. I'll try my hardest and will do my best, but I won't guarantee that my best would make me an outstanding student. That dream was gone as soon as I stepped into the class last year and found out which teachers will be taking all the classes. Looks like things this year aren't reviving that dream either.

The only upside is me maintaining my A2 grade on my Malay and a improvement from a B3 to an A1 for my History. I mean, who cares about the FREAKING HISTORY?!?!

The only good thing I've heard is from Audrey. She said that I got the highest in class for English.
Well, I thought I screwed my second essay when I spent too much time on the first; which was directed writing (where they give you a title and notes and have you elaborate and add any relevant information). The second essay is the continuous writing which they give you 5 topics and have you write it in no less than 350 words. No notes or any form of help is given.
I chose the first question, which was to write about the person who had the most influence over you, in under 10 minutes (the advised time is supposed to be an hour for this and 45 minutes for the previous essay).
I'll find out when we have our English class on Thursday.

We'll be getting back our Physics, Morale and Biology tomorrow. I don't even want to think about how I did for Physics. Things made sense and I'm afraid that it'll end up like Chemistry and Add Math. It's getting more and more depressing as I speak.

Right, the school's implemented that the whole school's having Physical Ed. on the same day. Yeah, you heard me; THE WHOLE SCHOOL.
Imagine over 800 students running around the school, two thirds of them are immature kids running amok with their friends.
Imagine that same amount of students fighting for the basketball court, or the small badminton field that we have, or the only three ping pong tables that the school owns and the miserable and torn paddles, shuttlecocks and Frisbees that the school is able to loan.
Then imagine the same amount of students fighting for the toilets to change back into their uniforms when the school only opens up two toilets for each genders (2 for guys, 2 for girls) since the are reinforcing the 'no wearing your sports shirt after recess rule'.

The school has more than 14 toilets and 2 changing rooms available.
Changing rooms? Since you have changing rooms, why don't they open it?!?!
I'll tell you what they do with the changing rooms. They use it to store the old newspapers they collect from the students!

Sometimes, I wonder why I wanted to stay in this school (hence making the note I wrote in Facebook dated sometime between February or March totally contradicting).

I need to sleep so I can have enough energy to withstand another letdown tomorrow.

The Continuation of Exam Hell

THE WORST IS FINALLY OVER!

I'm so happy that the worst of the subjects are over, which is add math, biology, physics and chemistry. The only thing standing in my way of the midyear holidays is math alone, which will be the last subject and it's tomorrow.

Speaking of Chemistry, I should really be laughing at myself for what I did during paper III. For the last section, Section C, we were required to plan an experiment.
The question required us to plan two experiments to determine the reactivity and the chemical properties of potassium, sodium and lithium. We were given the apparatus and materials; which includes a crucible tong, a knife, filter papers, a gas jar filled with chlorine gas, a gas jar with gas jar spoon and a water basin.

First, was to tackle the aim. That's easily done.
Then, it's the hypothesis and the variables. Same.
Then came to the actual planning of the experiment. I was stunned.
I didn't know how the experiment was going to be set up and how I'm supposed to write the procedure for it. So, I just created my own experiment by using whatever that's given.

I drew a gas jar spoon with a black mass which I labeled as 'burning potassium' and the spoon was inserted into a gas jar filled with chlorine gas.
So, I wrote the procedure as:

1. Set up the apparatus as shown above.
2. Using a knife, cut the potassium into smaller pieces for faster reaction.
3. Put the potassium piece into the gas jar spoon and light it with a splinter.
4. Insert the gas jar spoon into the gas jar filled with chlorine gas immediately.
5. Put the gas jar into a basin filled with water (I'm glad it cut this off!)
   
6. Observe the changes in the gas jar.
7. Repeat steps 1-5 (6 became 5) by replacing potassium with sodium and lithium.
8. Record the observations in the space provided.
   

I didn't manage to draw the set up for the second one. But I wrote this:

1. Cut the potassium into smaller pieces by using a knife.
2. Put the potassium piece into the water basin filled with water.
3. Observe the change.
4. Repeat steps 1-3 by replacing potassium with sodium and lithium.
   
5. Record the observations in the space provided.
   

Like I said, I didn't know what the hell I was actually doing. I just planned something that seems logical to me. At first, I thought that since potassium is highly explosive, I should put it into a water basin filled with water to counter the explosion, if it were to happen. But I'm glad that I strike that off. Why?

CAUSE I ACTUALLY GOT THE EXPERIMENT RIGHT!
ZOMG!

Hard to believe, eh?
Same thing with the water basin too. Since the other apparatus were already used, the only thing I could think of was to throw the potassium, sodium and lithium into the water, let it fizzle and hopes that it explodes. I'm still waiting for an experiment which I could see some exploding action...
The only thing I forgot to use is the filter paper; which I found out later is to rub off the layer of oil on the surface of the three metals. But hey, at least I got most of the things right...

This experiment was in Form 4's Chapter 4: The Periodic Table; under subtopic Chemical Properties of Group 1 metals.
'Cause the stupid teacher didn't teacher last year, I couldn't understand a single thing other than the neutron, proton and electron numbers; nucleon numbers and the octet-electron arrangement.
So I'm pretty glad that I could think of this in the exams. But I doubt that I'll be this lucky during the trials and the real examination.

Yeah, even if the holidays are starting soon (real soon!), I'll still have to work. I even have to attend tuition on my birthday, and it's ADD MATH class for 3 hours! What a way to celebrate.

And I won't be getting my license so soon. Maybe after SPM?
I'm not so eager to drive; I don't want to be my sibs' chauffeur.

Okay, that's just how my hellish month of examination has come to an end.
(Technically, it hasn't ended yet; last paper is tomorrow, but whatever!)

Now, I'm off to watch CSI and munch away on my mom's Ribena Cheese cake!
It's healthy cause it's partly made out of yogurt instead of the full load of cream cheese- then it'll be really unhealthy. :D

Persona Dillema and Exam Hell

I got Persona 3!



At least I thought I had it. It couldn't work. My PS2 console didn't manage to read it!

NOOOOOOOOO!

*attempts to bash the game console but realizes that she won't be able to pay for repairs; sulks in the corner*

I'll have to return it back to Natasha tomorrow...
I really wanted to try it. It sounded so interesting when Jon illustrated the game through Facebook wall. *sigh*

Yeah, Physics was so-so. I could answer some of the questions, but not all of it.
I forgot about Hooke's Law, forces in equilibrium...I even forgot what I forgot.

Tomorrow is Chem; starting with paper II, like always. I told mom that I don't care about it anymore and will work harder for the trials. Planning to start as soon as the midyear holidays are here; but we all know that it's gonna fall through. Most of my plans do.

Which person in their right mind would study during the holidays; even after a really long, long drag?

SPM is going to be only two weeks, starting from Nov 12- Dec 6.
What's worst is...

WE HAVE TO TAKE IT ON SATURDAYS TOO!

Yeah, no more resting or lazing around on a Saturday or Sunday!

Well, there is two ways of looking at this:
One (Positive): It isn't dragged long and it'll be over really quick. Fourteen days compared to a month? After that hellish 14 days, we'd finally be free from secondary school life!
Two (Negative): Those fourteen days would be spent worrying about the next paper and there isn't any buffer days in between. Did I mention that we'll be sitting in the exam hall even on a Saturday? (Hell yeah, it's large, bold and in red!)

Conclusion:

Exam sucks whatever way you look at it.

Alrighty, I'll go read whatever I can for Chem tomorrow and hope that I'll barely pass it.