Absence: Act II

It's been two weeks, have you guys missed me yet?
*no response*
*sad face* :(

That's the predicted response I think I will get.
Besides, I know that no one will even notice that I am gone.
As stated in the title of my blog, I'm a WALLFLOWER teen.
I don't think it'll make a difference even if I was really gone from the face of the earth.

-

This is another pointless ramble-filled post. *grins*
I'm now listening to Allegro Cantabile by Suemitsu and The Suemith; I think you can find it with my newly updated playlist.
I fell in love with the song as soon as I turned to Animax to watch Nodame Cantabile.

And technically, I'm not actually listening to the song on the exact time this post is published.
More like, I'm listening to it while I'm typing this post, which I will not tell you when.
*grins more*
I'll probably be washing my own laundry or cleaning the bathrooms or even out under the hot sun marching.
To the people who didn't get selected for the *coughstupidcough* service, I HATE YOU!
*kidding*
Don't take it seriously, yeah?
I don't think I have enough emotions to hate; dislike yeah, but not hate.
Another awesome song just came up, こんなに近くで by Crystal Kay. It's in the playlist too.

Also, I found out the term for the way I play the piano.
Yup, it's Cantabile style! Heh...
It has several meanings in different contexts.
Mine's more like playing to imitate the voice of the singer. I use the singer's note and pitch as a guide to play the song.
Perhaps I'll take up piano someday, I dunno when though.

-

Many people have commented on my choice of reading materials.
They just can't seem to comprehend how the hell I like classics and Japanese manga at the same time.
I love the plot lines for manga. (Japanese)
I love the art for manwha. (Korean)
I love the humor, the drama, the grief, the excitement, the joy, the fluff...and a whole lot other stuff. I especially love the humor!
The way the mangaka draws the character...
...like the smug look of Inui Azuma when Sachie gave him a handmade scarf while Rakuto didn't have one (she made a special one for him but hasn't finished though)
...like the grudge Kyoukos that acted like projectiles when Sho came to the Dark Moon set
...or even like the cute sequence when Yoon Sul got drunk and Tae Hee had to carry him home.
*cue fangirly scream*
KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

I think reading manga is the only time that I really do act like a girl.
Don't bother asking about when I watch TV; I was really enjoying the shooting and explosion when Dad, bro and I were watching Rambo IV. Yup, RAMBO.
I like the fuzzy feeling I get when reading manga.
It makes me all warm and tinggly inside.
Especially when they have a happy ending. Bittersweet endings are tolerable, but I don't really like it.
Call it demand for fanservice but I want something that I can never get in real life.
Yeah, a happy ending.

I kinda gave up on the whole idea of a happy ending a long time ago.
It just doesn't work in real life.
At least, I'm convinced that I don't have such luck.
So the only way I can be happy is to see others being happy. Pathetic, isn't it?
Well, at least I'm not out to destroy other people's happiness just because I don't have it.

I'm sure that there's plenty of people that'll disagree with my above statements.
My mom kinda gave me an earful when I said that I'm the kind that people will hate at first sight.
I still think that it's true though.
So if anyone likes the kind that has green skin, a boil-filled crooked nose and a crazy eye, you know where to find me.

Again, spam my CBox and I'll promtly reply them when I get back.
...if I do get back.

Let's see what I have installed for next week, yeah?

-

PS: I hope you guys did participate in the 60 Minute Earth yesterday by turning off your lights for an hour.
It's good to help and try to save the Earth.
The mindset of 'I'm only one person, I can't make a difference' should not exist at all.

If a thousand people adopt that mindset, we lose the effort of a thousand.
Earth is a very important home to 6.7 billion of humans and it's the only one we humans have.
I wonder how dark it will be in the camp...

Absence: Act I

...will be the title for the following 12 weeks that I'm away.

Like I wrote in my note, I'll be updating my blog every weekend that I'm away.
As to how...It's all pre-written; I found an awesome feature that enables me to do it.
Well it was there all along, just not many people know about it.
So, enjoy whatever random thing that I'm about to say.

**********************************************************

Red was the scarf that flew with the wind
Orange was the bus that we missed chasing the scarf
Yellow were the daisy garden it landed on
Green were the grass that we slammed our tired selves onto
Blue was the sky while laying on the grass
Indigo were the kites that flew by
Violet was my name you whispered with a smile
...And that was the rainbow that led to a new beginning.


Just something I came up with. I'm terribly bored, you know.
Oh well, let's see what will be posted next week, ne?

Absence: Act 'null', The Prologue

...will be the start of my rants and randomness for the following months that I'm away.
Actually, I did Absence: Act I before this post but decided to throw in a 'null' act as a prologue, since I do have an epilogue.
I can't put a zero because "0" doesn't exist in Roman Numerals; hence, the 'null' title.

I'm going to be away for the next three months; from this date to the 9th of June.
I'm going to be sent to a camp to do some training against my will.
The posts of following weeks, including this one, are all pre-written.
By the time this post is published, I'll already be in the camp.
I left around 7 hours ago.

So in this post, I'm gonna tell you how I got myself into this mess.
Sit back, relax and enjoy whatever I'm about to say, ne?

********************************************************************

It all started with me being born, then my brother.
And then my parents' decision to move back here.
If they didn't, my brother would be the one going in another country instead of me.
So because my dad didn't want to put my brother through that kind of hell, we came back.

Flash forward 17 years later.
The country's government suddenly decides to adopt this concept of training from the neighboring country, the one that I was born in.
Students at the age of 17 are randomly selected to join.
The thing which makes this country different from the other is, girls are in on it too.

It was during midterms of 2008 that I found out.
My friend helped me check by messaging in my identification number.
I had the feeling of impending doom while the seconds ticked by till her phone rang again.
They (the responding server) even had the nerve to congratulate me for being selected.
I don't see it as an honor like most people do; to me, it's more of a curse.
Now, instead of my brother going, I'm the one who has to go.

Initially, I was supposed to be in the 3rd batch.
But that meant that I had to waste a year of my life without going to college, and I wasn't about to let that happen.
I tried sending in an appeal of transfer to 1st batch. They rejected it.
Then, I had my aunt accompany me downtown to the headquarters and send in my appeal letter for the 2nd batch.
If this were to fail, I'd deffer it as long as I could.
Luckily, it didn't.
So, I'm bound and dragged off to camp on this day.

On a happier note, I got into the camp I wanted instead of being thrown to another state.
It's near my old neighborhood and I've camped at the place before.
A friend of mine has returned saying that she had fun there. But I'm not sure if it'll apply to me.

While you're reading this, I'd probably be listening to some character building lecture or doing some march or even crawling on the mud.

Well then, see you next week.
I'll leave you to wonder what random stuff I'll be posting up.

Absence: Prelude Act

Hi there, Winternite here.
This is probably the only real time post that you, the readers, are ever going to see for the next few months; three to be exact.

Tomorrow would be the last day that I'll ever spend at home among my family.
I'll be leaving on the 19th at 9.30 in the morning.
And trust me, I'll probably not like the place that I'm heading to.
It'll take some time for me till I get used to the ideas of cold showers and bugs on the bed.
And I can't get away from it unless I'm disabled or have a life threatening disease, which I very much would not like to have just to get away from this.
So, I'll just have to suck in my fears and go through with this.

I've just checked Nuffnang and am happy to have readers from other countries.
本当有り難う御座います.
I hope that my posts have I dunno, entertained you?
I'm merely just a 17-year-old who is much too scared to speak up in real life, but in turn write / types about it instead.

-

Thinking about my impending situation, I'm sorta looking forward to it.
Perhaps it might benefit me instead, who knows?
I have been looking forward to finally 'eat some liver and get some courage' and finally step out of being a wallflower.
Then again, I've been living a life of a wallflower since even I don't know when.
A leopard can't change its spots, can it?

Well then, I'll bid all readers じゃまたね.
And in three months, on the 9th of June, I'd be able to say:
只今帰りました and 久し振り to all my readers.

Wishing all readers who are college students and sitting for their finals,
頑張って!

Yours,
Winternite

Wake Up

I just watched a video that Fookix posted in Facebook.
It was a wake up call; not only about the environment and the hypocrisy of all adults, but something about myself.

Severn Suzuki spoke about the problems of the environment, poverty and also hinted on the hypocrisy of adults.
It reminded me of the times when I actually did care and fought for that cause.
It was five years ago that I was really against animal poaching and human trafficking.
I could remember crying over the picture of the baby seal being beaten to death just to be fitted into the hood of an overcoat.
I even thought that it was barbaric for Laika to die in space, even in the name of Science.

My determination was worn down as the years went by, with no one listening or caring about what I had to say.
Perhaps it was my own flaw of being under-confident and was too timid to speak up.
The years went by with more destruction and more lives lost while I lived and did nothing about it; until today.

My bro asked for my opinion on his topic for a Public Speaking competition.
I had my chances last year but didn't take it for two reasons: preparation for SPM and the lack of an inspirational piece.
Well, I think I can draw up a speech and let bro be my messenger.
His topic was 'Lost'.

A very Good Morning to the Chairperson, the honorable adjudicators, the meticulous timekeeper, teachers, fellow speakers and members of the floor. I stand here today to give a speech inspired by Severn Suzuki who gave a speech that moved the hearts of delegates, politicians and leaders of the world during the Plenary Session at the 1992 Earth Summit in Rio Central, Brazil almost 17 years ago. She was 12 when she made that speech.

You might ask, how does the theme of 'Lost' suit my speech; well then, let me enlighten you. Frankly speaking, all of us are lost. Not in terms of faith in God, not in terms of direction, not in terms of train of thought; but in terms of being human.
We have lost the very thing that differentiates us from animals.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
As humans, we have the ability to learn, to comprehend, and most importantly, to differentiate between right and wrong- that's the one thing that we have lost.
As kids, we are taught:

- to share
- to respect one another
- not to fight
- to kiss and make up when we do fight
- to forgive and forget
- to be kind to all living things
- not to be greedy
- to watch what we say
- to think before we act
- not to discriminate between race and religion

Throughout the course of 18 years of my life, I've watch each and every one adult who taught me what I should and should not do turn into hypocrites. I admit, at times I am a hypocrite myself. Nobody is perfect, and I hope that all adults don't expect us to be either.

Members of the floor,
In recent years, I've seen reports of environmental issues, wars and nuclear weapons development splashed upon the front pages of the newspapers. It pains me the most when I see another report of suicide bombings, war and pictures of the bloody scene. This shouldn't be happening at all! What happened to forgiving and forgetting? Are these the kind of examples that you are setting for us kids?
I did voice out my opinion about this to someone, only to have them tell me that I'm too naive and the problem is much more complicated than I can comprehend.
Why should it be? Why? Is it really that hard to shake hands and forgive each other? The problems that you have are just the adult version of kids fighting for a toy. And what's the solution for that, pray tell?

Fellow participants,
The world is slowly being killed by the very creatures that it gave life and a home to. Every second, there are cars releasing carbon monoxide, sulfur dioxide and other poisonous exhaust fumes into the air; factories releasing harmful gases that are produced by their assembly line; dump trucks dumping our garbage into the landfill; people illegally dumping toxic wastes into the streams; forests being cut down do make furniture, paper and other goods and some poachers are killing an innocent and unsuspecting animal for their fur, ivory or skin.

The streams are no longer as clean and clear they were 20 or 30 years ago.
The air is no longer as refreshing as 40 or 50 years ago.
The forests are no longer as lush and green as they were 60 or 70 years ago.
The land is no longer as fertile as they were 80 or 90 years ago.
The number of animals are no longer as large as they were 100 years ago.
The ozone layer is no longer hole-free as it was 1000 years go.

Teachers and members of the floor,
These are real numbers and they reflect on how much damage we have done to Earth. If you adults continue your quest for development without taking care of the environment, we the future generation, will have to suffer the consequences of your actions.
Might I ask, have you ever seen a quagga?
The dodo bird?
The Steller's sea cow?
The Tasmanian wolf, not devil.
The passenger pigeon?
I'm sure even the adults themselves have not heard of them, lest seen them.
The last quagga was shot down in 1883 by the hunters of South Africa. It's a cross between a horse and a zebra.
Ever heard of the famous expression 'Dead as a dodo'? Guess where that came from.
In less than 30 years of their discovery, the Steller's sea cows joined the list of extinct animals; so did the Tasmanian wolf and passenger pigeon.
We will never see them ever again, other than in pictures or models in the Natural History museums.
Just because of our ancestor's actions, we have to forever wonder how does the extinct animals look and sound like.
Do you want YOUR grandchildren to ask you what a tiger looks like? Or what does the elephant's trumpet sound like?
Do you really want your grandchildren to wonder like we do?
I daren't think if it is safe for my grandchildren to walk under the sun like we do now or if there are anymore green fields and lush forests for my grandchildren to run, play and camp in.

To all adults,
YOU have to stop the hypocrisy now. We need you to get back onto the track that you have strayed so far from; we need you to guide the world back onto the right path.
We, the millennium babies, need YOU to guide us; the future generation needs YOU to make the world a better and safe place for them to live in.
Each and everyone of you adults are someone's child, parent and sibling; hence responsible for everyone's well being.
You might think me naive and say that it isn't as simple as I think but let me ask you, why shouldn't it be?
Race, religion and culture should not be the barrier of the fact that we need to work together to make the world a better place.
Discrimination of the above three is the worst.
WE ARE HUMAN. We are not any different from one another.

Members of the floor,
It's time for us to step up to do our part in making this world a better place. All of us have responsibilities to carry out in this world, and that is one of it.
And to all the adults, please don't go back on your words. We need you, the future generation needs you.
Severn Suzuki gave her piece of mind 17 years ago at the conference and little has been done since then. Now I stand here to give you a piece of my mind, hoping that the voice of two people can break down the stubborn wall.
Don't just give us lip service, give us action.

I shall end my speech with my favorite part of her speech, and I quote:

You are deciding what kind of world we grow up in. Parents should be able to comfort their child by saying ''Everything's gonna be alright'', "We're doing the best that we can" and "It's not the end of the world".

But I don't think you can say it to us anymore. Are we even on the list of your priorities? My father always says, "You are what you do, not what you say."

Well, what you do makes me cry at night. You grown ups say that you love us. I challenge you, please make your actions reflect on your words. I thank you for listening.

Well, I timed the speech and it's 8 minutes and 42 seconds. Gosh...I dunno what to cut.
Oh well, let's see if the school will allow me to give a speech as an ex-student.

Surreal

...I'm pretty sure that I have it as a title of a previous post.
Well, who cares?

It's Thursday at 1 in the morning.
Why am I up at this hour?
That's like asking me why do teenagers go all ga-ga over the opposite sex.
I'm a vampire.
No, I don't live on human blood.
But I do know how it tastes like; exactly like rust.

Anyways in about a week, the day that I dread THE MOST will come- D-day.
And a week from THAT D-day, another day that I dread will come- DD-day.
All D-days happens to fall in the month of March; at least, all the D-days that I'm associated with.
Reality has just hit me, I have about a week to enjoy whatever I have.
It's like the past three months was just a dream and suddenly reality comes by and gives me a really hard punch in the gut.

-

I spent the whole of yesterday preparing for the DD-day.
I went out shopping for essentials, fully knowing that the camp will not be supplying anything but the uniforms, bedsheets and food.
Even though my parental units don't seem to be outwardly worried, their actions betray them.
I don't really get along with my dad, but mom says he worries for me the most.
Mom worries too, just not as much as he does. She knows me well enough not to, or so I thought.

When we were grocery shopping...
She asked me whether I needed a sewing kit.
Then asked if I needed any hangers, pegs, bucket, mugs...And the list goes on.
When we were at the pharmacy, she asked if I needed any charcoal pills (for food poisoning, diarrhea and the whole lot of stomach ailments).
Then, she asked if there were any cold pills left; clarinase was the one to take if you don't want to get sleepy or drowsiness.
The one for cough is mucosolvent.
I guess it's time for me to start remembering all the medicine names, but that's a tad too early huh?
...I've strayed far from my original intentions, oops.
I guess it is good to see her worry, since I'll be treading on uncharted waters where she can't throw the lifebuoy when I'm drowning.
I don't think that I'll ever understand the maternal worry for her child; I can't even picture myself ever getting married.
Oh well.

-

I guess the reality also woke some dormant form of responsibility in myself.
Usually, I don't really bother much about stuff.
But I took the vacuum cleaner up to my room and started cleaning, with my bedside table for starters.
I handed over all my nail polish to my sister who has been eying on them since ages ago.
I'm not the nail polish type anyways; God knows what possessed me to waste my allowance on them instead of novels.
I even took up a whole lot of toilet rolls to store in my room, fully knowing that my sister wouldn't even bother to replenish it if I don't.
I guess bro will sneak into the room and steal some rolls for he's too lazy to walk down and take it from the cupboards.
Then I sorted out all her 'needs' (if you don't understand, don't bother asking) so she'd have enough to last three months.
The only thing left to do is to clear up my newspaper clippings- something I've not done for many years.
I could do that today while I'm watching 花より団子 2.
I'll leave the cataloging till after coming home from the doctor's appointment.
Then again, I still have some back load of uncatalogued manga.
That'll take about two days, with a hundred over chapters to deal with.
And then there's that wedding of my cousin dunno how many times removed...I hate formal events.
*sigh*

There goes my weekend.