The 'L' Word

I think I'm most suited to laugh at jokes, not make them.

Aaaaanyways, you'd most probably be wondering why the hell am I up so late; even worst, it's almost 2.30 in the morning and I'm secretly using my brother's computer to access blogspot. I just read 8 volumes of 100% Perfect Girl and am starving for more (a manga addict, I've become) .___.
Moreover, I don't think it's a secret anymore, since bro's following my blog and will see it when he wakes up, but I'll worry about that later.

I seem to have the inspiration (if not, impulse) to write whatever I'm about to write. Usually, I'd wait till morning come and will no longer have any of the inspiration or the ideas to write. Since I'm on study leave and tomorrow is a Saturday, what the heck?
Carpe Diem would be an expression somewhat suited for it, so to speak.

I guess I'm beating around the bush, huh?
Just a slight warning, I may be a bit long winded in this post cause I'm typing whatever comes into my mind.
And anyone who reads this would most probably be wondering why I put up such a weird title, 'The 'L' Word'.

First off, I'd like to put myself on the bench.
I'd have to admit, I think I'm trying too hard to not be a girl.
And they say, the truth shall set you free; I'm feeling like I'm admitting to having some sick fetish I've secretly kept hidden for years, ewhh.
*clears throat* (- It's not necessary, since I'm typing and not speaking but whatever)
Let me begin again.
I'm a girl and I'm trying too hard not to be one. Why?
I don't like being perceived as weak nor helpless.

Since women tend to be govern by emotions, that and emotion betrays; I tend to strip myself of it. As a result, I become insensitive.
But it seems like I can't hold out as well as before.
It wasn't that hard when it was in primary school. Secondary school's the start of my nightmare.
Yup, stupid hormones messed up my control.
And it got worst this year.
*rolls eyes*

It seems like there's always a day in a month when I feel particularly...umm, lonely. (I can't believe I just said it x.X). And it seems like today's one of that day. Again, I blame the hormones.

I'd usually stare at my computer screen, reading my manga , ogling at the bishounen and dream about the knight in shining armor.
Pathetic, huh? Even I feel sorry for myself.
After that, I'll call myself back from La-La Land by saying

1. There isn't any guy who is as perfect as those bishounen in real life. Usually, they're jerks who thinks that the whole damn world revolves around them.
2. I'm no heroine, heck, I'm even more twisted than the female antagonists that tries to get the main male from the heroine. Besides, I'm fugly and have a hell lot of bad habits. Clotho from GOW II is a beauty queen next to me.
   
3. It's not real, for heaven's sake! Those stories are written in their favor so that they can have a happy ending and they all live happily ever after. There's no happily ever after in real life.
4. Love, unfortunately, makes people do stupid things. That and nobody can survive only on love and sunshine; we're human, not plants.
5. Last of all, I don't have a knight in shining armor ready to put his life on the line just to save mine; nobody is that noble. I can sit around and keep being the damsel in distress for all eternity but he will never come, simply because he doesn't exist.

I think I should try to find a way to totally strip myself of these annoying emotions. You can't get hurt when you're emo-less.
Also, I don't think I'll hear the 'L' word being said to my face in this lifetime.
If the person did, I'd most probably say this:

Dude, did you knock your head or something?

I'm not kidding here.